Wedding and super-long super relationship history/saga

Originally, I started to post about 3 things, which turned into 4- so I’m breaking it up into separate posts. I used to write wildly and without abandon about my “personal” life. I don’t know why I stopped- Looking back at my old blog, I crack myself up! I think recently, I was like a mullet with the business up front- party in the back. That’s just not me really! I kind of like to do both at the same time so whatever, I do what I want!

For those of you who don’t already know- Jon and I are FINALLY going to get married, after like 20 years of good and bad, better and worse, sickness and health- see? We’ve already been there and done all that, repeatedly in many cases! We’re just going to make it official now, sorry but I have to say  again- FINALLY!

Okay- here comes the big saga- The adventures of Me and Jonny. He’s a huge part of my life and most definitely deserves his own post. I’m just going to warn you now, this is the abbreviated version (there’s like 23 years of history here!) so….. READ AT YOUR OWN BOREDOM! (otherwise, feel free to skip this one as it’s kinda mushy). I’m in love and I almost lost him….literally…forever.

Me- age 13 or 14.

Jon- age about 16.

The first time I remember meeting him was at a hardcore show, at the old Living Room in Providence. I was with my friend Mel, he was with Eric Tyler. They came up to us and were trying to pick us up. Jon’s big brother Chris was in this excellent band back then called Verbal Assault and they were playing an all-ages show, I can’t remember who was headlining. I DO remember this skinny kid telling me he could get me in for free (I had already paid to get in) because his BROTHER was the LEAD SINGER for VERBAL ASSAULT, blah blah! Mel and I, I think were more concerned about watching some great music than being bothered by 2 guys obviously cruising. That’s MY first memory of Jon. He doesn’t remember this, but I think that might be “selective”!

Maybe a year later, I was dating his friend, Jon was dating someone else- and he always brings up the story about how he fell head over heels the first time he saw me (THIS instance being the “first” time he saw me).  He remembers exactly what I was wearing, how my hair was, everything I said and felt bad because he wanted to be my boyfriend (awww!) but since I was with his friend… I, of course remember very little about this, but did always think he was cute. Apparently I asked him why he was always wearing black jeans.

Eventually Chris and I broke it off, and I think Jon and I re-connected at a big keg party (so 80’s!) in Narragansett. I told him that I wouldn’t go home with him or anything unless we were “seriously dating”. That seemed to work for him, and we went on to date for some time.

I fell irreversibly in love with him on this one warm summer night, I guess I was probably 15 at the time. We went to the drive in movies, then went swimming in this awesome reservoir in Newport. I can still remember the stars and it started to rain, but the warm, good kind of rain. That night seemed to last forever, I guess in order to last forever in my memory. BEST. DATE. EVER. And then it was all over for me.

Then we broke up, of course. The first time of MANY times to come.

Fate struck again at a show he was playing when he broke his guitar and a huge shard went flying across the room and right into MY shin. He was a freshman at college then, and embarrassed to pick me up from high school because he always thought that the older dudes picking up their girlfriends when he was in high school were losers. (for the record, he DID come to get me a lot, in his ghetto sled of a car which trust me, was waaaaay more embarrassing for ME then him)

So we dated in that dramatical end all be all way you go through only when you’re young (and subsequently) dumb. It was amazing and horrible all at the same time.

For a while, I moved in with him when I was 17- in a freezing house right on the beach. We were SO POOR! And COLD in the middle of winter. And it was mostly great (in that way it only can be when you’re young).  We were both extremely jealous- he couldn’t stand it if I even talked to a guy (but it was OK for him to talk to whomever whenever) and we fought over stupid things all the time. One time, it was snowing and I ran out barefoot down the beach and he followed me the entire way. For all the stupidity, we were also extremely close, and I think that may have actually been the weakest link. I think maybe we were both scared of that and grew suspicious that the other could possibly feel the same way. One of us had to love the other MORE, we couldn’t possibly love each other equally! . Personally, I could never live like that again! At this age now, I could NEVER re-live that and be happy, which I think in a way is kind of sad, but am mainly just glad to have had those experiences.

We all ended up moving to the city. Things changed, we argued more. Jon was dumb back then as far as I am STILL concerned. I would have married him regardless had he asked. We broke up because Jon was uhhhh- well he was a musician and there was no shortage of admirers on his end and you get the drift. Don’t worry though, there were no shortage on my end either! – I left him for Mark Arm (Mudhoney) which definitely was a hit below the belt to him even though it was not a petty or revenge relationship (Mark and I were pretty serious, I even moved to Seattle and in with him, now HE was older! By 11 years!). In a way, I was glad for him to see that someone who was constantly touring still managed to write me 20 page letters every day, call me every night (and talk until 4 am), and basically treat me the way that he just… didn’t! Jon lived down the street, but he was “busy” a lot. Let’s not even go there.

Jon actually came to visit me in Seattle and we got back together again for like 4 seconds. It was another wonderful and sad thing. To just KNOW something is right, but never going to work.  Then I moved back and we were on briefly then off again- this time for many years. We both met and married other people. Still, I always had secretly hoped that I would have married and had kids with Jon. And apparently, he felt the same- we just never thought the other one ever would. I remember it being pretty hard when I heard he was getting married, and to be honest, I just didn’t “get” it. (But, I actually am pretty great pals with his ex and we try to hang out every few months!) I am surprised that she put up with him for as long as she did, I sure wouldn’t have at that time.

No matter how much I tried, he always crept back into my life, my head and worst of all- my heart. His sister and I have always been extremely close, so I suppose that didn’t help…. always hearing about whatever he was doing at the time. Seeing him out was always like having a huge dagger in the heart too. I tried pretty hard to run in different circles. Him in Newport, Me in Providence- worked for most the time.

Then one night, after both of our marriages had taken a digger- I had called him just to say “Hi”. I swear! But- that was it, and we’ve been inseparable since. The next day he called at least 25 times. This time though, everything was different. Better. GROWN UP! …..except…..

When we first got back together though, he was a big drinker. He’s a pretty well known and respected musician here and basically did what many do- drink and play, play and drink. So realizing that it was a more serious issue literally brought me to tears. It was very painful to go through seeing someone you’ve loved for over 20 years shaking in the morning. I’ve never really been exposed to that side of anyone, never mind Jon.

Being a mother- I basically told him if he couldn’t stop, it was over. It’s not like he was any different, he was very functional, however- I just couldn’t deal with it. He cut way down on drinking, he went to detox- he really, really tried. One day his stomach hurt and gradually ended up doubled over. I took him to the emergency room, they gave him tylenol and prilosec and sent him home. Around 4 am, it was to the point he was seeing double. He said he felt like someone had shot him in the gut. I had no idea that he was THAT sick…. but he was diagnosed with  pancreatitis and almost died. The doctor’s told us “zero percent” chance of making it. I don’t really like talking about it too much- it’s still really fresh and tender and makes me incredibly sad. Below is a photo taken by his sister, in the hospital.

So he did pull through and is great now! He hasn’t drank since Nov last year, is handling sobriety excellently, and is the guy I always knew he could be and so desperately needed him to be . I know he kinda sounds bad on paper, but honestly- He’s amazing – you just have to meet him to know. EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE here loves him to death. He’s very nice and charismatic- always listens to everyone and genuinely cares. He’s the first to offer a hand to help even an acquaintance. He’s terribly smart, handsome and funny. If you don’t believe me, CHECK THIS OUT- He made the front page of the paper this weekend and yesterday we both  interviewed for another. So we both made the cover of the same newspaper – here’s mine (I’m on the right in red)

I have always been and will always be head over heels for him. And I’m blessed and lucky that he feels the same for me. I don’t think I could ever manage without him and wonder how I ever did before without him. I also never thought that we would ever be able to repair anything romantically, and yet I trust him with my life now. I think it’s a great and rare example that things and people really can change- for the better. And that if you want something, really want it- it can happen.  Maybe it’s not easy, but definitely worth it. Maybe someday I can sell the rights to Lifetime, who knows, so what, who cares! I’m glad that fate dealt this out in this time frame, we never would have made it before. I still am in awe that we’re back together, period. And minus all the drinking then almost dying stuff, I wish that everyone can have their own “Jonny”- I think it’s sort of rare and magical.

Fun photos of us below! (Someday, I’ll get round to scanning the reeeealy old ones and we can all have a laugh about me and Jon as punk kids in  the 80’s- also Jon’s teeny tiny frog legs in his pastel Vision skating shorts, or my many different colors and styles of shaved hair)

for the record, he rarely smiles on camera, which is bad because he has the best smile. Swoon, he’s dreamy to me.